The following is Humour ... laugh. Its generic.

It is not targeting at any particular car or forum

If you not laughing ... sorry, its meant to be funny, not to offend

Its often said that there are only seven basic plots for novels. All new novels are just variations of the basic seven. The most fundamental is the romantic favorite:

Boy meets girl
Boy loses girl
Boy gets girl back and they live happily ever

The other ones revolve around: Conquer the Monster (think Jaws), Rags to Riches (think Cinderella), The Quest (Think Star Trek), Tragedy, and Comedy. YMMV

After reading many car forums, I’ve come to the conclusion there are also a few basic threads that REPEATEDLY come up, over and over again. It doesn’t make any difference which forum or which car, they are truly generic.

Here is my guess at the basic car forum threads ...

In the following, just plug in any car brand you can think of, it happens everywhere … I've read them in such diverse boards as Elise to Toyota .. YES even the RAV4 board does the same thing ... talking about the best catback to buy for a SUV

In fact, if your new to car forums, feel free to just cut and paste.

The Quest ... Validation

In this story (thread) the author is either thinking of or has bought a new car. They seek validation they didn’t make a mistake. This thread doesn’t usually seek info on options, just reassurance they did the right thing. Now since the xxx car is in the xxx forum, well … the answers are obvious ...

So I just bought a new xxx with the following options: apple red, LSD, full leather interior, Bluetooth, 18” blah blah wheels, super big stereo, and a wing. I paid $$$ and got a great deal at this location, See Joe, he’s a great salesman.

So what do you think?

Conquer the Monster ... The Troll

The troll is an interesting monster. It usually ends in a tragedy. The troll exists for only one reason … to irritate the forum members by telling them how much their car sucks compared to (fill in the blank). Some forums feed the trolls … they are fun to read. Some trolls are blatant but the BEST of the trolls are so good, you have no idea your being fished.

Examples:

1. Hey guys, what do you think of the new (fill in the blank) in comparison to the xxx?
2. I took a test drive today and was a bit disappointed in xxx. (followed by the description as to why)

If the troll is being fed, the thread can be a very fun thread to read.

Tragedy ...Three Blind Mice

The Blind Mice are an old tale. Its actually a tragedy. The blind mice so loyal and so tied to their make, they have no concept of what else is around them. It like not being able to see the forest because they are stuck behind a tree. This can get very terroritorial. Blind Mice sometimes make for good trollers in other forums.

1. So today I just saw a F430 and Z06, pulled up to them, and smoked both of them. Dudes, that was SO awesome, you should have seen the face of the Ferrari guy.
2. XXX’s rock so much … there is no other car I will ever buy, in fact, I’m going to be buried in my XXX and have xxx tatooed over my butt.

The “targeted” speeder

This is a perennial favorite. Its so prevalent its kind of funny and sad at the same time.

So today, I’m just doing 9 MPH over the limit and for NO reason whatsoever, some a-hole cop pulls me over and gives me a ticket. What BS. THEY TARGETED ME because I drive a xxx.

How can I argue this in court? How do I get out of this BS ticket. That cop only stopped me because … (you fill in the blanks).

The Wanna Be Loved Owner

The “Wanna Be Loved Owner” gets real upset when others don’t think so much of their car. Its usually a complaint made to co-owners seeking solace in numbers. Doesn’t make any difference which car, it happens everywhere.

My friend’s GF said my xxx is a POS. She said (you fill-in the blank). Why do they keep saying these things???????? Stupid people don’t know squat.

Rags to Riches … the Track Junkie

The Track Junkie can’t keep fiddling with the car. Doesn’t make any difference if it’s a 20 year old Pinto or an Enzo. If there is any way to get more power, they spend the money. Any new product on the market, they buy it. Some of these threads can get very interesting …

So everyone, I got a xxx with 700HP, Stripped completely down ... no seats, not insulation, CF everywhere, with the best friggin brakes known to mankind and a full race suspension.

But, I NEED MORE POWER. What can I add? Its already supercharged, twin turbocharged, dual stage nitro, bored and stroked, balanced and blueprinted, port and polished. I tear down the engine for a complete rebuild after every track day. Still, I feel I can get more HP out of this xxx. What to do?

Comedy … Show me your (fill-in the blank)

This happens A LOT. I thought it interesting seeing the watch thread on NAM but its prevalent in a lot of places. I call it comedy because some of the posts are very funny.

So show me your (fill in the blank) (e.g., driving watch, driving gloves, driving shoes, garage, roll cages, helmets, fire extinguishers, spare tire, coilovers, etc.)

The Techno Arguement

To be fair, these are usually very informative threads ... always good to hear new info from the experts ... its when ppl just throw ancedotal info into them they get very long and ... boring

So guys, I need to buy a new (fill-in the blank) for my xxx. Which one should I buy?

followed by 279 responses of ...

I got yyy and love it
NO ... buy the zzz, its the best
ad nauseum.

 

You know, no matter what board or vehicle (2 or 4 wheel) I see the "I fell in love with my ____ again today" and the general 'I look for reasons to get out and drive/take the long way' or "I sit in the garage and look at it/look back when I park it' sentiment Then of course there are the venting threads about bad drivers, bad parkers, accidents and such.

Guess it says more about the nature of the people then the vehicles in the end.

 

Eval ... dude ... I forget about the bad driver/parkers threads but your right. They are also in every board!

And I agree, its about human nature ... you hit exactly on the point. Its not about the cars, its about the people

 

SHOW ME YOUR OFF-TOPIC THREAD IDEA!!!!111@

 

Thats too dangerous ... treads on issues some take way too personally NAM is relatively calm because of the rules. Other forums can be ... well ... lets just say "lively"

I think its a good thing politics are taboo here

 

Oh yeah, OT! I almost forget the staple on every forum that exists - the show me your pet thread Never fails, doesn't matter what the message board is about, long threads with pet pics show up time and time again.

(and then there are the show me your girlfriend and leghumping threads but we won't go there :D)