I've been watching my next door neighbor's marriage break-up over the last nine months. Their twelve year old son seems to be the most pragmatic about the relationship, regularly suggesting mom and dad live apart, to keep the peace.

The eleven year old and his nine year old sister will do just fine, once an inevitable divorce is completed. Probably half the kids' friends, have been through a family breakup.

If a couple is going to fight, focus it on something important, like who gets which car.

 

You guys totally missed the point...

It's not about what's going on now.

It's about how much worse it can get.

Arguing and not getting along is one thing. There are worse things than that. Parents should think about those things when getting a divorce and most don't.

 

i agree. that was the reason of my last sentence in my last post.

 

and ignoring that fact for fear of a downside is just silly... Each of these situations is difficult with no best. We've all seen situations where staying together has been a disaster, and where the break-ups have had significant downsides. Seems to me that there is no way to know a priori which way things will go.

Thing is, with potential future benefits or harms, one never knows till one gets there. To not go forward for fear of bad outcomes doesn't seem to me to be that good an attitude.

The failure of relationships is always hard.... But then change is opportunity, for both good and bad. Those that learn tend to make things better, those that don't tend to repeat or make things worse....

I wish the OP the best of luck during these hard times. Sometimes life just isn't that easy....

Matt

 

RACEFACE,

Sorry that you and your wife are at this juncture; you clearly have your priorities in-line as your decision to give her your Clubman is best for your kids / situation. That is the right thing to do and those who have read this thread see that in light of this difficult time, you are able to make the right decisions for your kids! That's good-going.

I am sure you will have another Clubman when this time is right. Best of luck with everything!

 

Huge thanks again everyone. My frame of mind is getting better, one day at at time. Taking baby steps daily and surrounding myself with good friends seems to help.

I have read peoples opinions of 'stay together for the kids vs. dont' and from my own childhood experiences, I am not an advocate of staying together for the kids. My parents did it and it was awful. The fighting, door slamming, name calling, and since my dad was a firefighter, when he was gone, mom would try to 'turn us against him' while he was out working and supporting the family. It really put a bad taste in my mouth.

I swore that after that experience, I would never put my children through that. We have never fought in front of the kids and our arguments have never resorted to name calling or personal attacks. But the bottom line is you cant make someone want to be with you if they don't want to.

I'm not a very religious guy at all but I do believe there is a plan written for us all somewhere....and this is happening for a reason.

Maybe I will meet my true 'soul mate' sometime....maybe not...but out of this chapter of my life, I have 2 absolutely wonderful boys that I worship the ground they walk on and they feel the same towards both me and their mom. I cant ask for much more from life than that.

Thanks again everyone. You are the best!

 

I believe that these things all happen for a reason. I think your perspective on the situation is excellent. I firmly believe things happen for a reason, it just may take some time to see the reason. You have two great boys, and I believe you will find your true 'Soul Mate' and you will get another Clubman down the road. Hang in there.

 

RaceFace, I admire your attitude and commitment to your family. Several years ago I dated a guy who maintained a healthy working relationship with his ex for the childrens' sake. I would not say that they were friends and I know at times they were frustrated with the other, but they put the kids ahead of themselves and I admired both for this and I think the kids did too.

Best wishes to you and know that you're not alone.

 

Hey Raceface - reading all these posts, I hope you get the big, bright and shiny message that this isn't your regular-everyday-car forum. I hope you consider staying with NAM (not just lurking) for the friendships and the community itself, not just the good gear head stuff. The community is a lot of fun - as I'm sure you've discovered - and you and/or you and the kids can always meet up at MINI events and still have a good time with the people.

 

Do you think I would catch alot of crap pulling up to a MINI event in a Chevy Trailblazer SS?? LOL!!! Just kidding!! I don't think it would be too bad.

I do appreciate all the support. This is a good community and I dont think I will be lingering as much....I will stay involved. I just figured that since the Clubman was gone, that closed this chapter. I now see that I was wrong. You all are great people.

Thanks again for taking the time to help me through this difficult time.

 

Raceface:

Good luck to you and your family. As far as the stay together for the kids, or separate question, unfortunately there is no one size fits all.

 

Show up in your trailblazer and just sport a MINI shirt or something!!

 

What he said!


As long as you keep drooling and oooh-and-ahhhhing over everybody's MINI, nobody will care what you drive.

 

On those times when the house is empty go bust some laps at the MX track. A little roost always does the soul good.

Hang in there dude.

 

HTClubman is a she not a he, I should know I am married to her. You are part of the Mini community, no one cares what you drive. You are a generous man if I was ever in a position of a divorce I would make HTClubman buy another Clubman or buy me one as part of the divorce settlement I am not sure I would part with the Clubman.

 

Thank you for the compliment. I am choosing my battles wisely in the closure of this relationship. In my case, I wanted my children in a safe car when they are with her (she cant afford something as nice and safe as the Clubman S), so the sacrifice was very easy for me. It also helped keep the peace with her and enabled me to keep mine and my childrens motorcycles without an argument. I can't tow the motorcycles with the Clubman would have been her line back to me....I chose to avoid that battle and concede even before it was an issue. Its only a car (ok, go ahead and flame me for saying that! LOL!), it can be replaced....my boys can't.

 

You have a great perspective on the situation. Your priorities are in the right place. Cars are easy to replace. Down the road we need to hook you up with Single Mini Drivers.