I bought a poorly cared for, 2012 Mini Cooper Base (N16 Engine). Automatic transmission. It only has 48k miles, but was basically ran into the ground. Oil and coolant basically everywhereI replaced every gasket you can think of, had the cylinder head cleaned and machined. Valve seals replaced and valves tested and also the below:

• New Head Gasket
• New Thermostat + Housing
• 4 new pistons, including rings
• New timing chain
• new belt
• New valve cover
• New plugs and coils
• All single use bolts were replaced with new, everything torqued to spec.

Obviously full of oil and coolant now. All put back together. Cranks just fine, but never starts up. Confirmed the spark plugs are firing, fuel is getting to the chamber, and the throttle body is working as expected. Low compression on cylinders 2 and 3, BUT they both passed a leak down test with flying colors. Not sure how that works. You’d think it’s a timing issue, right?

Timing has been checked and verified probably 10x now. Cams and crankshaft are all properly aligned. The engine won’t even start up when using ether (starting fluid). All connectors are properly connected, all adaptations have been reset and the valvetronic motor has been “taught”. Me and a few other mechanically inclined people, including 1 other MINI specific buff (super knowledgeable) can’t figure out why it won’t fire - especially with ether.

There are only two permanent engine codes (can only be cleared after so many key cycles) from before I rebuilt it: P0128 and P0328. There are no other engine codes and I couldn’t find any blown or bad fuses. All engine grounds are connected properly.

Short of trying to find a random and unknown short (that’s also not producing a code) - any ideas on what the issue could be? Been troubleshooting it for days and can’t figure it out.